Crushing Moments

I just finished watching a video by Ze Frank about crushing words ( you can check it out here), those words that can suddenly change your whole view of life, and usually not in a positive way. It got me thinking about crushing moments, those time when all is going well and that simple nondescript action by another, be it a friend, stranger, or enemy, completely knocks you down. I've gone through a few of those lately.

As part of a cohort at school, I am with the same folks, day in and day out. We've been together for 6mths now, enough time to form bonds and friendships. Or, in my case, to be isolated. It's not that people aren't cordial, they are just not inviting. I can be in my seat in the classroom, at my table with 4 other people and tables around similarly loaded, and each person will be having a conversation. Only, none of the conversations are with me.

Before you start thinking that my classmates are horrible people, they are not. They are almost always cordial, and if I start a conversation they will engage me. But I am the one who has to start the conversation, no one cares to start one with me. When we eat, in the lab or in break area, I can be sitting at the same table, but no one will be talking with me They will literally turn their backs to hold conversations with others at the table, but I am never included. Why? I do not know.

Perhaps I appear standoffish, although I do my best to greet everyone with a smile, so I don't know why.

As long time readers of my blog know, depression runs in my family and I have suffered from it in the past. I can work myself into downward spiral when the right mix of stress, loneliness, and crushing moments happen. These moments are enough to challenge me, to weaken my resolve with my desire to continue school. This is a tough program and I need the support, the camaraderie of my classmates to succeed.  Yes, I know I can push through it alone, but it hurts me deeply.

My blog's future

Well, as if it is not obvious, my blog has become a side-thought in my life, at least until I am done with school. I've found that my writing time is limited to one paragraph at a time, with little continuity between the paragraphs. It's not that I don't want to write, it's just that my thoughts are completely focused on biological matters relating to muscles and therapy.
With that being said, I hope you will check in on me every once and awhile, just in case a new post pops up. I'm still reading your posts.

Thankful, part 3, the final installment

Day 22:  I'm thankful for the bounty of food before me and the friends and family at my side with whom I share it.

Day 23:  I'm thankful for pie for breakfast.

Day 24: I'm thankful that I am able to surprise my friend for her birthday with many of her friends, providing her with lots of laughter and good cheer.

Day 25: I'm thankful that I have enough leftovers in the house that I can put off grocery shopping at least one more day

Day 26: I'm thankful for the individuals who donate their bodies to science. Today, they provided me with a unique experience to view and understand the human body.

Day 27: I'm thankful for the wonderful potlucks we have at school, where everyone gets to relax a bit and enjoy themselves before diving back into their studies.

Day 28:  I'm thankful that I'm done paying for orthodontia for at least a little while.

Day 29: I'm thankful to have the opportunity to attend educational conferences that enlighten me and inspire me to pursue my education.

Day 30: That I have a wonderful puppy to keep me entertained and exercised.

Thankful, part 2

Day 12 - I'm thankful for the volunteers who give of their time to make my son's boy scout troop a success. Watching them tonight made my heart swell.

Day 13 - I'm thankful that the truck battery died at home and not on the camping trip this weekend.

Day 14 - While I'm thinking of vehicles, I'm thankful I have a reliable means of transportation that is completely paid for.

Day 15 - For my classmates, who are quickly becoming my second family. They are generally supportive and kind

Day 16 - For my sister's accomplishment of earning her doctorate. She worked so hard for it, I am thankful that she completed the program, as I know there were many a day that she contemplated her sanity in finishing.

Day 17 - After waking up too early, the joy of being able to go back to bed because I have nothing planned for the morning.

Day 18 - The hugs my son is freely giving me after a weekend away. They are like precious gems, sought after but not often found. I treasure each one of them.

Day 19 - That my son wants share our heritage with his classmates through the classic Italian way - food.

Day 20 - The relative easiness of my last tests before my mini-vacation. It was with a light heart that I skipped out of my classroom this morning.

Day 21 - I'm thankful for the small break from studying I have over the holiday.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving - take a moment to appreciate all that you have.

Thankful, part 1

It seems many of my friends have been publishing what they are thankful for on Facebook, one item for each day in November. I've been reflecting on it as well, but have chosen to condense it so as to make it a little more interesting to read, as you will notice that different days bring different attitudes from me, some days I'm more spiritual, others I'm more grounded.

Day 1: The grade school friendships that have lasted all these years and still brighten my days 35 years later. I have not always been able to count on the current people in my life, but the Graniteville group always has my back.

Day 2: Having Fridays off so that I am able to run errands relatively crowd free. Shopping and bank errands are not something I enjoy; but since I have to do them, at least I can do them when most other folks are at work.

Day 3: Sharing in volunteering activities with my son. I don't know if he appreciates it as much as I do; however, I always walk away with a happy heart and full spirit.

Day 4: My sister. She gets me and is always there to support me, no matter how down or frustrated I may be. Plus, I get her, and (hopefully) can do the same for her.

Day 5:  My soul mate, my hubby. He's not always able to be here physically, but he is always here in my heart.

Day 6: That I can vote, that I can express my opinion freely without fear of persecution (although there may be some snarkiness on facebook).

Day 7: For the drive to school, because I get to sing at the top of my lungs for over an hour with absolutely no one there to criticize my somewhat off-key singing.

Day 8: Hubby's support in my endeavor to become a PTA. He may not know how to pronounce all the terms, but he'll at least try.

Day 9: Naps

Day 10: A car that works and gets me from place to place relatively worry free.

Day 11: For every soldier who has made sacrifices to protect this country. Sacrifices that includes family time, material goods, physical health and their lives.

(to be continued...)